Dear woman on the 10,
yesterday we met on the tram when you petted my 6-month-old puppy and I asked you for stopping that. Instead of doing so you asked „why?“ with a long-drawn-out vocal as if you can’t understand why I should asking for this. And you didn’t understand. I was in such a surprise of your misunderstanding and of your ignorance that I missed most of the words I would’ve needed to tell you appropiately about what I thought (and still think) of you and your massive lack of personal distance.
I’ve told that „he is my dog and that you in first place have ask me if it’s okay to pet him“. Let me explain that to you:
First of all he’s a puppy, so he has to learn that not every person, especially a stranger, is his friend. He doesn’t know that there are people out there who give dogs poisoned food. And he is not capable to differenciate if a stranger is a good or a bad person – that’s my job to do so. It’s for his own sake to learn that he can’t play with every stranger who holds out his hand to him.
Second one, he doesn’t know that there are people out there who are afraid of dogs. People who stand like frozen sculptures when they see him. And because he’s such a friendly dog who always wants to play I am the person who has to teach him that it’s not okay to go to every person as he wants it to do.
These are my main reasons to keep him away from strangers. The other reasons are not because of him, they are because of persons like you. Persons who have no clue about dogs and who say in the end – like you did yesterday- „poor dog, living with that woman“. Let me also explain that to you:
You don’t know if a strange dog is friendly or if he is frightened or how well-educated he is because he is not your own dog! Maybe he is in a stressful situation but you think he wants to play or to be petted and in the end he bites you. In this situation I’m going to have to pay for your medical bill, my dog’s insurance will rise and maybe you will have to deal with serious health issues if you’re unvaccinated. In the end you are going to blame me of my little puppy’s misbehaviour and maybe sue me for compensation. Because you didn’t ask me in first place if it’s okay to pet the dog.
Then there’s a personal issue I have with your behaviour, maybe this is the real deal, the core of the problem, apart of the heat and the humidity everyone had to deal with yesterday. It was your massive lack of personal distance which I often observe on people like you and which infuriates me. When you’re not socialised in Germany people like you often describe us as cold and distanced but it’s the „social glue“ which keeps our society rolling. You have no right to touch me or my dog or my children or my belongings without asking me. You are injuring my personal space which has in fact other borders than yours. You came here for studying or maybe for working so please try to accept that we – or at least I – have other social conventions than you in your home country. But hey, there are people who are socialised like me who ignore every personal border they’ve come along so why should you respect them?
You made me angry, really angry. In fact, you made me loose my temper because of your ignorance and your urge to show the whole tram what a mean woman I am, that I went full in and called you a „stupid b*tch“ when I left the tram. For this I apologize. That’s not the person I am and want to be. But I don’t apologize for denying you to touch my dog.
Indeed, five minutes later there was an old man with his wheeled walker in the other tram who looked at my little dog with lots of love in his eyes but to shy to ask. It was a pleasure to me to introduce the dog to him and let him pet the little furball.
Seit gestern staut sich dieser Text in meinem Hirn auf, in englisch, weil ich mit der Trulla auf englisch kommunizieren musste und seither nach Worten suche. Der erste Draft war hässlich, gemein, verunglimpfend. Ich habe ihn gelöscht. Ich werde diese Person nie mehr wiedersehen,
hoffe ich, und werde sie doch als Anlass nehmen meinen Kern, meine Beweggründe, genauer anzuschauen. Ich hasse, was sie aus mir hervorgekitzelt hat, und was auch alle anderen Personen in mir zu Tage bringen, die übergriffig werden und meinen „personal space“ verletzen. Aufgrund des Hundes passiert dies mittlerweile öfter als mir lieb ist, noch dazu weil er einfach so neugierig und menschenfreundlich ist. Tatsächlich gibt es solche und solche: diejenigen, die zuerst fragen und diejenigen, die einfach übergriffig werden. Die ersteren werden belohnt, den letzteren wünsche ich die Pest und noch einiges anderes an den Hals. Die Trulla gestern hat mich nachhaltig verunsichert, so dass ich mir auch durchaus nochmal vergegenwärtigen musste, dass ich das mit der Erziehung zwar streng, aber konsequent und richtig mache. Nachdem dem netten Intermezzo mit dem älteren Herrn war es beim Aussteigen übrigens wieder eine Frau, die mir attestierte, dass „der Hund aber noch Erziehung benötige“. Es sind immer die Frauen. Ich mag mir nicht vorstellen, wie das erst mit Kindern wird. Menschen sind schei*e.